One Step Forward
by nightmistral
Summary: But I'd have nightmares. You'd think cutting yourself off from everything, the sun and people and life, would numb you, make you less human, less able to feel..." Vincent runs into Reno one cold night. Vinreno if you squint really hard.


Disclaimer: I don't own FF7. Though I wish I _did _own a certain redhead.

Night, and Reno stumbled home after an bone-weary day of scraping and bowing, running errands for Shinra and the like. Oh, and getting pissed on by a very irate dog which Rude had accidentally kicked. Or so he claimed. The Turk scowled at the dubious reek wafting up from his boots. It had gotten him flung out of Seventh Heaven even though he had repeatedly told Tifa that he really didn't know what that smell was, and no, it wasn't some trick that he was going to pull. But then, she hadn't believed him, showing the door pointedly. Nobody did. It wasn't anything new, but it had definitely made a bad end to an already poor day by Reno's standards. _No wonder Cloud didn't hang around Tifa too much_, the redhead thought sourly as he fumbled in his pocket for the keys. Well, at least he'd made it home in one piece without being mugged by some maniac who was hard-up for cash.

There was a slight rustling above the Turk's head. Swearing, Reno leaped back from the door as if he'd just been stung. He scrambled for his electro-mag rod, eyes scanning the darkness above him. "What the hell!? Frigging get your ass out here or you're screwed!" It was a lie, of course; his EMR was desperately low on juice. Hopefully whoever that was would fall for it and clear out of there before it really came to a fight. More rustling; then a red-clad figure slid gracefully into view, landing directly in front of Reno.

"Not really what I would consider an effective threat, Turk, but I suppose that was the best you could do." The familiar voice cut through the still night, sarcasm evident in every word.

"Oh, so it's _you_." Reno growled back, annoyed that the gunman had managed to catch him off -guard. He groaned inwardly. First Tseng's incessant bitching, then the incident with the dog, getting kicked out of the bar, and now _this_. Couldn't Shiva give him a break just for one blessed _hour_ out of planet-knows-how-many? "Didn't know you were a stalker, Valentine. Anyway, if you would _kindly_ shift your fat ass out of the way, I'll be hitting the sack. I need my beauty sleep."

Vincent glared at him,"Don't flatter yourself. I was only there for the view."

Reno sniffed,"An' who said you could pop up there any flipping time you liked? Shouldn't you be in your coffin or something?" Although Vincent had been a Turk once upon a time, there was no camaraderie between him and the red-head Shinra employee. And Reno definitely didn't like the idea of Valentine breaking and entering _his_ house. Even Turks at least were entitled a degree of privacy, though they might have bootleg booze stashed in the basement. Not that he could imagine Vincent getting drunk, of course. The gunman was always unfailingly sober.

"For your information, the window was open. Besides, this is - **was** my house." Vincent's voice was frosty as he stared at the younger man, daring him to say another word.

"No shit... You gotta be kidding me, dude!" The Turk's mouth hung agape. Sure, the house had been pretty old when he'd swiped the papers out from under the agent's nose, and some of the things inside were spiffy, but he'd never thought it could be Valentine's. The man slept in a _coffin_, for goodness's sake. And yet...

Vincent's shoulders stiffenned and his lips tightened into a line. "What did you say, Turk?" His gauntlet slid dangerously close to _Cerberus._ "Care to elaborate more?"

_Oh, crap. I am __**so**__ dead. _Reno remembered a second too late that the gunman's past was a senstitive topic.

"Nothing, yo. I - yeah, it was cool. Want to come in? I mean...after all, it was yours." The Turk gabbled nervously, trying to think of a way to get Vincent to calm down. He pushed past him, not waiting for a reply and praying the older man wouldn't decide to place a bullet in his head there and then, and opened the door."You first."

After eyeing Reno suspiciously, Vincent walked cautiously into the open doorway, peering into the gloomy depths of the house, The redhead let out the breath he hadn't been aware he was holding, and trailed after him.

Once inside, out of the biting cold, Vincent's eyes adjusted readily to the darkness around him. Surprisingly, Reno's abode wasn't all as untidy as he'd assumed it would be - shabby perhaps, but comfortable enough. Much of the original layout had been left as it was - after all, Turks didn't have the time or the patience for redecoration. Meanwhile, Reno had flung his piss-soaked boots out of the window and was currently struggling with the lighting. "Damn... aarghthing ... doesn't... work... most... of .... the time. Oh, shit. Look, I don't suppose you mind, dude. I'll go get us some..." The Turk paused, looking at Vincent bewilderedly,"What'll you have?"

Vincent didn't turn around from where he was studying the room,"I'm not thirsty. Or hungry."

"Dude, you can't... It's _freezing_ outside, at least have a cuppa, alright? 'Sides, it's the only decent thing I can make at this hour." Reno shook his head exasperatedly at the gunman's lack of social skills and vanished into the kitchen, where there was a crash, followed by a string of incoherent, pain-wracked curses aimed at an uncooperative cupboard.

Meanwhile, Vincent paced around the room, taking in his surroundings. Had it really been thirty years? Somehow, it felt as if it had been longer. And yet, the memories still lingered, imprinting themselves on his mind. Her presence seemed to be stronger here than ever, maybe because they had spent the most time here. _Lucrecia... _

"Vincent?" The voice was soft, gentle, exactly as he had remembered. Even now, it made his heart race against his ribcage, and he resisted the urge to turn around, call out her name, pull her into his arms. Clenching his fists, he forced himself to stare into the flames and force the thoughts from his mind. She would never be returning. Not ever. It was the last of Hojo's cruel tricks - flashbacks of the past, of nightmares and things he couldn't control. If he turned now, she would vanish again - and that was what he could not bear. _I'm so sorry..._

"Vincent. Please..." She came closer now, words pleading and uncertain. He could sense her standing close, just a fingersbreadth away. _So near and yet so far..._ The crimson-clad man's curved in a bitter smile. _Hojo, I'll give it to you, you really knew how to hurt others.,.. even when you're dead._

"Go. Just go. Leave me alone. I've had _enough_." The words were spat out, with a fury he never knew he had. His hands were trembling now with the effort to rein Chaos in. _Please, just leave... Leave, Lucrecia, before it's too late. Before I become the mosnter I am beneath. _

A hand came to rest on his shoulder,"Just listen to me, this once." He flinched, breath catching in his throat. _How /dare/ Hojo do this!? _His flashbacks were getting worse, but _this_ was crossing the line. It hurt so badly and yet, part of him knew he wanted it. Wanted her to smile at him again, say his name, take him by the hand and lead him away. _**But it will never be. **_Chaos's voice filled his head, dry and unpleasantly grating. _**So wake up, Valentine.**__**Or are you too weak to do so?**_

_Shut up! _"GET AWAY FROM ME!!! GET LOST!! I DON'T WANT EVER TO SEE YOU AGAIN! _EVER_!" Vincent didn't know if he was shouting at Chaos or Hojo or Lucrecia, just that he needed peace and quiet. His head ached and he wheeled around furiously, teeth bared in a snarl. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? In front of him, Lucrecia's form wavered, her face filled with shock and pain. _So sorry..._ The words drifted, swirling in the air, and then she, like Chaos, was gone, leaving him half-crouched in a fighting stance.

"Lucrecia!" The cry was torn from him unbidden, and he sank to his knees, burying his head in his hands, trembling uncontrollably. _Please, just /stop/. I can't take this anymore... I just can't..._

In the kitchen, Reno dropped the tin of cocoa powder that he'd been wrestling with for the past fifteen minutes. It landed on the Turk's foot, the lid springing open and spilling the contents accross the floor. He cursed, then froze as he heard Vincent's shouting. _Shiva above, what's he done /now/? _Seizing up his EMR from where it lay on the water dispenser, he sprinted outside, managing to overturn the laundry basket on the way out,"DAMN AN' BLAST!!"

The redhead forgot the ruined laundry though, as soon as he stepped into the living room. Vincent was kneeling on the floor, breathing raggedly. _Flipping hell, what's got into him? _As Reno approached, he saw that the gunman's face was ashen and his eyes were closed. "Shit. Vincent, you hear me dude? You gotta get up. C'mon, dude. Onto the sofa. That's it."

After plenty of heaving and coaxing, he got Vincent to sit up on a batterred couch. "You all right, dude? Thought you were almost done for."

The older man did not seem to hear what he said. His eyes darted around the room and he struggled to stand,"I... I need to go..."

Reno caught hold of him and forced him back onto the couch,"No, you ain't going nowhere unless I kick you out, Valentine. You're not in any state to walk out into a bleeding blizzard and Tseng would have my guts for breakfast if I let you freeze yourself to death like that. Some crap policy of looking after our own... Heck, and he's never even _done_ anything to save _my_ ass before. Here, have some o' this." He practically forced the whiskey down Vincent's throat despite the other man's protests.

Vincent groaned as he felt life returning to his limbs. Reno grinned at him, "Feeling it now, aren'tcha?"

He glared at the Turk, angry at being caught in such a compromising position, but then stopped as he felt a soft blanket being tucked around him. "What's this for?"

"Like I said, Valentine, you're stayin' the night. I don't wanna see a snowman on my doorstep before it's even Christmas. People're gonna think I've gone off my rocker."

They sat together silently for a moment after that. Reno, as usual, was the first to break the silence.

"What was it like?"

"...What?"

"Being alone. Away from everybody else." The redhead eyed him cautiously, as if watching a wild animal that was about to flee.

Vincent looked down at his fingers, knitting them together. "It wasn't always... pleasant. You get tired of solitude after a while. Although," the corners of his mouth quirked slightly,"there was always Chaos."

"But I'd have nightmares. You'd think cutting yourself off from _everything_, the sun and people and life, would numb you, make you less human, less able to feel. It's not true. The pain was always there, right from the beginning. I remembered plenty of things, things I wanted to run away from. Hojo. My... failure. Lucrecia leaving." His voice trailed off into the distance.

Reno glanced at him, abruptly sorry he'd asked that question. _Can't ya think of something else to say? You're such an arse! _"I didn't mean to..."

"No, you didn't. Nobody does."

Reno fell silent again, kicking the carpet with his feet. _How do I even begin to tell him? Heck, I can't even open my mouth without sayin 'something that hurts, invariably. _

"Uh.... Valentine... That is to say.. uh, Er." Reno started, then tripped over his tongue.

Vincent's brow furrowed slightly,"What?"

"Uh... I don't know how to say this, and I know that this ain't .... ain't the right time to say it, but I just thought..." Reno trailed off again, making a detailed study of his feet.

"Just spit it out, Reno." The gunman sighed.

"Er... well, I... er... I, y'know, er..." The redhead was starting to turn crimson.

"Reno." Vincent's voice carried a sharp warning.

"Argh! I don't know how to say this, alright, dude!? I was never good at this kinda thing! I just -" Reno seized a cushion and buried his head in it, muffling his words.

"I'msorryaboutbeingsuchajerkbeforeandIdidn''reagoodguy." The Turk's voice was barely audible.

Vincent blinked. To be frank, he hadn't expected this, least of all from a Turk like Reno."I became used to it after a while, actually."

Reno still hadn't budged from the cushion. Vincent resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Inside his head, Chaos snickered. _**Go on, laugh. I know you want to. **_

Suppressing a groan, Vincent reached over and extricated the Turk's head out from it. "Are you done? Because if not, I'm getting out of here, and Tseng can fry your intestines tommorrow."

Reno snorted halfheartedly,"Yeah? I can still beat'cha at it, vampire boy."

The gunman yawned, feeling sleepy, and didn't deign to reply. Noticing his fatigue, Reno got up from the sofa. "You're welcome to stay as long as you like. Breakfast's at ten tommorrow, food's in the fridge if you want."

He clattered up the stairs noisily, stirring up a cloud of dust. "Crap! I forgot to hoover this shit again! Oh, and Valentine? Don't think that 'cause of this we're friends. We ain't."

Downstairs, Vincent snorted, a miracle in itself. He hadn't recalled feeling this warm in about three decades. _Must be the alcohol_, he thought muzzily. _**Or a certain redheaded Turk**_, the irrepressible Chaos cut in. Vincent ignored the demon pointedly and shut his eyes, signalling the end of the one-way conversation. Maybe, just maybe, he'd stay a little longer. Reno was right, he'd stayed away for too long.


End file.
